Cai Draper, FODs & Son
FODs & Son
lesbians raised me in elephant and castle.
so many maybe i’m
not a lesbian but almost everyone else is.
the scores of so-called
aunties on motorbikes book groups
ballroom dancing at the rivoli.
they call themselves the FODs.
the Fat Old Dykes.
mum has longer hair than some. i pretend
she’s normal at parent’s evening.
pride is camping with a friend
who goes my mum and your mum like women
innit. this one in the tent so naïve.
what’s the first rule of lesbian mum club?
i'm on the phone to god
where the hell’s my dad? read men and weep
i'd like to be called mark from now on please
mark my inner clark kent in a phone box.
no mark no superman but
mum suse fran jules jane chris
fiona jackie jude joy anna darryl bev.
big strong women. i'm on the phone to heaven
going where’s my fanny? why am i the only one
with a willy in this family?
Then I went to college
And I said, ‘My mum’s gay.’
And they said, ‘Cool!’
And I said, ‘Yes. Cool.’
And my sister said, ‘Yeah, it’s cool.’
And then to myself I said, ‘Cool. Cool.’
And they said, ‘So…?!’
And I said, ‘Turkey baster.’
And they looked at each other, and they looked at me,
And they all put their hands on my arm
And said, ‘Tell us everything.’
so i give you the story i recall the details
your favourites the bit with the baster
i give it the way that you like it
remember to let you say:
how unique or
that must’ve been quite tough or
that means you must all really love each other
Cai Draper is a poet and performer from south London, now living in Norwich.
He recently completed the MA in Creative Writing (Poetry) at UEA. His poems have been published by Draft London, PNYX & Burning House Press.
Follow Cai on Twitter @DraperCai