Cai Draper, FODs & Son

FODs & Son

lesbians raised me in elephant and castle.

so many maybe i’m

not a lesbian but almost everyone else is.

the scores of so-called

aunties on motorbikes book groups

ballroom dancing at the rivoli.

they call themselves the FODs.

the Fat Old Dykes.

mum has longer hair than some. i pretend

she’s normal at parent’s evening.

pride is camping with a friend

who goes my mum and your mum like women

innit. this one in the tent so naïve.

what’s the first rule of lesbian mum club?

i'm on the phone to god

where the hell’s my dad? read men and weep

i'd like to be called mark from now on please

mark my inner clark kent in a phone box.

no mark no superman but

mum suse fran jules jane chris

fiona jackie jude joy anna darryl bev.

big strong women. i'm on the phone to heaven

going where’s my fanny? why am i the only one

with a willy in this family?

Then I went to college

And I said, ‘My mum’s gay.’

And they said, ‘Cool!’

And I said, ‘Yes. Cool.’

And my sister said, ‘Yeah, it’s cool.’

And then to myself I said, ‘Cool. Cool.’

And they said, ‘So…?!’

And I said, ‘Turkey baster.’

And they looked at each other, and they looked at me,

And they all put their hands on my arm

And said, ‘Tell us everything.’

so i give you the story i recall the details

your favourites the bit with the baster

i give it the way that you like it

remember to let you say:

how unique or

that must’ve been quite tough or

that means you must all really love each other

so much

Cai Draper is a poet and performer from south London, now living in Norwich.

He recently completed the MA in Creative Writing (Poetry) at UEA. His poems have been published by Draft London, PNYX & Burning House Press.

Follow Cai on Twitter @DraperCai